the stress of managing

So, we're finally back online and moved into the new place. And almost right away, an unplanned expense arose, I got stressed and lost my willpower, and now I don't even want to begin to organize my paperwork and budget. Here's what happened...

For the last five days or so, there was a lot of eating out going on. I wasn't home to cook, and neither "home" was set up for it. Half our dishes were in one place, half our pantry was in the other. So I did a lot of eating in the car on my way from one place to another, and ultimately spent a fair amount (in other words, I don't know how much) on takeout.

The move went well - the moving truck cost us about $80 each, but we were friendly to the cashier and she went above and beyond by waiving the young driver fee (there's a $25 fee if you're under 25, and since the truck was going on my credit card, we had to pay it - even though I wasn't driving) and the second driver fee. So we saved $35, just for being nice to her after some really rude customers were in line ahead of us.

Once we got all moved in, there were the incidentals that always come up and that I really should have planned for. Like a step stool, because I can't reach half the cupboards. Or some drawer organizers, because they're a lot deeper and longer than I expected. And the list goes on!

So after about $50 at Wal-Mart for that stuff, I thought we were done. But then - the big one. There was a last minute family trip to the interior for a funeral. No way out of it, of course, and no time to plan. The travel and hotel expenses were paid for, but of course food was not, and we were there for three days. We took advantage of things like the continental breakfast, and renting the hotel BBQ to have a family cookout and save on the restaurant fare (couldn't do that yet again), but it wasn't enough. There were still a couple dinners out, a lot of Starbucks to keep us going, and things like evening ice cream in the park. It was a good time, but expensive!

And then it gets worse. I lost my will power. BIG time. I was stressed, tired, emotional, and mentally exhausted. It was hot and bright - that really intense interior BC sun - and I wanted sunglasses. I tried on a few cheap ones at a mall kiosk, but J (ever the devil on my shoulder) didn't like any of them. I shouldn't have let myself, but I tried on a few designer pairs and found myself putting $170 on my credit card (actually, J was the one who saw me hesitating and said to the cashier "ring them up!" and then I felt like I couldn't go back).

Still gets worse. I am (well, was) in desperate need of some appropriate summer work clothes. I need to look very professional, but the clothes need to be comfortable and sturdy enough to handle some serious outdoor work. Good quality dark wash jeans and nicely tailored golf shirts are usually what I look for. And I found them in a big big way at a Tommy Hilfiger outlet. They were having a huge sale, 40-50% off everything, and I just went nuts. Four or five shirts, a sweater, and two pairs of jeans. On one hand, this is good. That's almost an entire summer wardrobe of good quality clothes (jeans and sweater were originally $118 each, the shirts $56). And I got all of that for only $160. Not bad, right? It was a pretty amazing deal - but I just didn't have the cash. And I bought it anyway on credit. Then, continuing my streak of spending, I bought a $60 necklace. Granted, it's a gold cross that I have been looking for for about a month and finally found one I loved - but again, did I have the cash?

All told I did about $400 worth of shopping. Mostly because I was mentally down for the count and shouldn't have been anywhere near a mall.

So now I have to face the consequences and figure out a way to pay this off ASAP so I can get back to my original debt. Probably within two paycheques...maybe one if I'm really strict. And this is about the time that I start to get really wary. I saved all my receipts so I can input it into my budget spreadsheet, but I haven't done it yet. Bills will be coming next week and I need to be ready. I need to move half my rent into the joint account this week so I'm prepared for next month. I need to get some cash from J to put towards his debt with me (he's got three running right now - vacation on credit card 1, rent/security deposit on line of credit, and $230 of incidentals like the moving truck, groceries, house stuff etc).

And I hate to think about all this. I hate to actually deal with it. The dread sits on my shoulders for days, until I actually sit down and sort through everything, and then I feel better. All of a sudden I just feel a sense of control and security.

But even when I know that, I always stall and drag my feet, because I'm worried that one day I'll go to organize and pay everything, and I won't have enough to get by another month.